Until I Love Myself, Poppy Pesuyama 
Book
Non-fiction
Manga
Book
Non-fiction
Manga
Updated: 15 January 2024
No rape or sexual assault
Rape or sexual assault mentioned in passing (in discussion and/or implied)
Sexual harassment (e.g. verbal or non-consensual touching/grabbing)
Sexual relationship between adult and teenager
Child sexual abuse
Incest
Attempted rape
Rape strongly implied/details surrounding a rape discussed in detail (i.e. the events before/after)
Detailed/vivid description of rape

Description

The book is an autobiography, detailing the author's experiences with sexual violence and gender dysphoria. Much of the story is dedicated to them recovering from their trauma and unlearning harmful coping mechanisms related to their trauma - which includes vivid discussion of internalized misogyny/transphobia. The author describes a traumatic series of events in which they acquired a job at a manga studio that ostensibly accepted their nonbinary identity, but their higher-up constantly misgendered them while putting them through a series of sexual violence; such as verbal sexual harassment with violent undertones, touching them on their face and back in a sexual manner, standing right outside a washroom while they showered, and asking them invasive questions (in one instance, labelling them as a 'nympho'). The aftermath of the event shows them with intense gender dysphoria and self-blaming tendencies, as well as severe PTSD and disordered eating habits. When they came forward in the face of the #MeToo movement a few years later, they also received a barrage of victim-blaming comments and DMs, and again when they shared their manga for the first time publicly (to which their publishing agency had to release a statement and moderate comments). They also recount memories from their childhood and adolescence where they experienced sexual violence or were witness to it; like a boy lifting up their skirt in front of a classroom, being pressured into having a shower with a male friend when they're in middle school, being asked invasive questions about their sexuality, and watching a close friend of theirs get sexually harassed by other men. In the face of boys sexually harassing them as a child, they retaliated by writing explicit boys love fanfictions involving their male classmates - but as an adult, they acknowledge that this is also a form of sexual violence and regret their actions. Near the end of the book, there is a brief recollection from their transfeminine friend, who was forced into a sexual situation by cis men for being a feminine-presenting AMAB person.

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